I saw a play Monday night with one of the most annoying audiences ever. Technically, I can’t be sure it was among the dumbest — it just felt that way. Sitting next to those morons was mortifying. Let’s back up a bit. Each Monday, a different actor performs the solo “White Rabbit Red Rabbit.” The concept is that the actors are given the script for the first time when they step onstage. Assuming they haven’t Googled the show, they discover it along with the audience. Nassim Soleimanpour’s text is designed to accommodate any gender, race or age, which is how Nathan Lane could do the inaugural performance last week and I could see Whoopi Goldberg on Monday. Coming up are Patrick Wilson, Cynthia Nixon, Wayne Brady and Mike Birbiglia, among others. Goldberg was game and focused, but too many of her fans behaved like morons. Starting with the lady near the front who took photos and videos the entire time, and shouted “Love you on ‘The View’!” as Goldberg was trying to find her bearings. The star stepped out of character and s back: “Don’t yell any more s - - t because this is nerve-racking!” When a cellphone inevitably went off, Goldberg snapped that “there must have been some announcement before the show, and could you please turn off your phones?” She added profanity, so we knew she meant it. Things didn’t get any better with the audience participation — the planned one, as opposed to the impromptu one. Soleimanpour is Iranian, and he was in Tehran when he wrote “White Rabbit Red Rabbit.” The show is clearly influenced by living in an authoritarian regime. It’s playful and often funny, but there’s a serious undertone — the rabbits are part of a lengthy allegory about peer pressure, obedience and repression. But as my theatergoing companion put it, Soleimanpour could not have imagined the inane narcissism of an American audience. The one I saw the show with was less interested in what the play was trying to say than in taking pictures and videos. (Note to the Westside Theatre ushers: Shouldn’t you at least try to stop all that cellphone action? Do we need to bring in Patti LuPone?) At one point five volunteers went onstage to help enact the rabbit story. At the end of the show, one of them loudly yelled out: “Did anybody take pictures of the five of us? Can you please send it to me?” This young lady must have thought she was at an amusement park. A possible explanation for the crowd’s attitude was Goldberg’s presence — hey, Whoopi’s funny, right? She took her job seriously, but was defeated by the expectations placed on her by others. I’m ready to bet the mood will be more serious when Brian Dennehy hosts on March 28. But that doesn’t help those of us who endured smug idiocracy this week. “White Rabbit Red Rabbit” is at the Westside Theatre. Go to whiterabbitredrabbit.com for lineup and tickets ($29-$125).
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